For a long time, I had a list.
A mental list of everything that was working against me.
The economy. My background. The people who didn’t give me a chance. The system that wasn’t built for someone like me. The fact that I didn’t go to the right school, didn’t know the right people, didn’t have the right last name.
The list was long. And honestly? A lot of it was true.
But here’s the thing I didn’t understand yet:
The list was also keeping me stuck.
The Story I Was Telling Myself
I was a master storyteller.
Just not in the way that helps you.
I had built a narrative — a detailed, convincing, emotionally true narrative — about why things were hard for me. About why I hadn’t gotten further. About why I deserved more than I had.
And every time something went wrong, I added another chapter.
Another rejection. Another missed opportunity. Another person who didn’t see my potential.
The story was real. The pain was real.
But the story was also the thing I was hiding behind.
Because as long as the problem was out there — in the economy, in other people, in circumstances I couldn’t control — I didn’t have to look in here.
At me.
The Moment It Cracked Open
I was in a coaching session.
My coach asked me a simple question.
“What are you responsible for in this situation?”
I started to answer. I listed the external factors. The things other people did. The context.
She waited.
“That’s all real,” she said. “Now — what are YOU responsible for?”
I wanted to deflect. I wanted to defend myself.
But something cracked open in that moment.
Because the honest answer was: a lot.
I was responsible for not preparing enough. For not asking for help sooner. For staying in situations too long because leaving felt like failure. For numbing out instead of facing the discomfort. For waiting for someone else to see my potential instead of betting on it myself.
I had been the main character in my own story — but I’d been playing the victim, not the hero.
What Being Your Own Obstacle Actually Looks Like
It doesn’t look dramatic. That’s why it’s so easy to miss.
It looks like:
Procrastination. Waiting until the perfect moment that never comes. Preparing forever and executing never.
People pleasing. Saying yes to everyone else’s priorities and no to your own. Living someone else’s life and calling it responsibility.
Comparison. Measuring your chapter 3 against someone else’s chapter 20 and deciding you’re behind.
Comfort. Staying in the job, the relationship, the city, the identity that no longer fits — because at least it’s familiar. At least it’s safe.
Self-sabotage. Getting close to something great and then pulling back. Because somewhere deep down, you don’t believe you deserve it.
I have done every single one of these. Some of them I’m still working on.
The Hardest Truth
Here’s what nobody wants to say out loud:
You can be a victim of real injustice and still be your own obstacle. Both things can be true.
The world is not fair. Systemic barriers are real. Racism is real. ADHD is real. Financial hardship is real. I’ve lived all of it.
And.
There is still a version of your life where you take radical ownership of what you can control. Where you stop waiting for the world to become fair before you start showing up fully. Where you decide that your past is the reason you’re qualified — not the reason you’re limited.
That shift – from “look what happened to me” to “look what I’m going to do with it” is the most important shift I’ve ever made.
What Changed When I Got Out of My Own Way
When I stopped being my own obstacle, things didn’t instantly become easy.
But they became mine.
I stopped waiting for permission to pursue the life I wanted. I started investing in mentors, coaches, communities. I started doing the uncomfortable work -the inner work -that most people avoid because it doesn’t have a clear ROI.
I started showing up as myself. Fully. Messily. Without the performance.
And something remarkable happened.
The right people found me. The right opportunities opened. Not because the world changed…but because I did.
You cannot attract the life you want while being at war with who you are.
Where Do You Start?
One question. That’s all.
Sit with this:
Where in my life am I waiting for something outside of me to change before I’m willing to change?
Write it down. Be honest. Don’t edit yourself.
That’s the beginning.
The obstacle was never out there.
It was always the thing looking back at you in the mirror.
And the good news is that’s also where the solution lives.
If this resonated, share it with someone who needs to hear it.
What’s one way you’ve been getting in your own way? Drop it in the comments. Let’s normalize the conversation.
– Davidson