- “Kṣamā is Sanskrit for forgiveness. It suggests that you bring patience and forbearance to your dealings with others. Sometimes we have been wounded so deeply that we can’t imagine how we might forgive the person who hurt us. But, contrary to what most of us believe, forgiveness is primarily an action we take within ourselves. Sometimes it’s better (and safer and healthier) not to have direct contact with the person at all; other times, the person who hurt us is no longer around to be forgiven directly. But those factors don’t impede forgiveness because it is, first and foremost, internal. It frees you from anger.”
- “Forgiveness has been shown to bring peace to our minds. Forgiveness actually conserves energy.”
- “Transformational forgiveness is linked to a slew of health improvements including: fewer medications taken, better sleep quality, and reduced somatic symptoms including back pain, headache, nausea, and fatigue. Forgiveness eases stress, because we no longer recycle the angry thoughts, both conscious and subconscious, that stressed us out in the first place.“
This is so true. I have been able to sleep so much better once I started forgiving myself and others. After I gave my dad for leaving us. I was able to finally sleep a full 8 hours which I have never been able to do consistently. Not realizing that I was getting insufficient sleep I thought that was just how I am. Getting sleep feels great and I can still do a better job of self forgiveness but its a practice like with anything else.
- “But we should challenge ourselves to dig to the root of negativity, to understand its origins in ourselves and those around us, and to be mindful and deliberate in how we manage the energy it absorbs. We begin to let go through recognition and forgiveness.”
Digging into the root of negativity takes work and is not always easy, but it’s so satisfying when you get to the core of what it is. For instance, I was able to pinpoint down to 5 specific moments of my life that all of my deep-rooted fears come to. 1. When I was held back when I went to private school in third grade to my fear of not being smart enough, so I have spent my whole life trying to prove that I am worthy. 2. When I got dumped as a freshman in college, I was so heart broke that I vowed that I would always have the upper hand. Clearly, not an effective strategy for relationships. 3. Feeling so helpless when my dad went to jail and I felt like I couldn’t do anything about it and feeling paralyzed in many similar instances whenever I have a hard situation to do with. 4. When I lost my jacket, and my mother yelled at me, I felt so incompetent, and the story I told myself is that I am careless. 5. When I had teachers tell me that I would not be successful- trying to overcompensate is never a fun strategy- long term.
- “He wants us to uncover, accept, and create a new relationship with our deepest fears.”
We often can reinvent our relationship with our fears. I used to have a massive fear of being judged by others, and I still do, but publicly releasing podcasts and YouTube videos, I try to run towards these fears, and those have been some of the most fulfilling moments of my life.
- “Try shifting from I am angry to I feel angry. I feel sad. I feel afraid. A simple change, but a profound one because it puts our emotions in their rightful place. Having this perspective calms down our initial reactions and gives us the space to examine our fear and the situation around it without judgment.”
When you express it as a feeling instead of your identity the labeling of I am… means that you are stating that it is who you are but its merely just a feeling. This small practice could mean a world of difference because it’s not tied to who you are as a human being.
- “Fear makes us fiction writers. We start with a premise, an idea, a fear—what will happen if… Then we spiral off, devising possible future scenarios. When we anticipate future outcomes, fear holds us back, imprisoning us in our imaginations.”
How many times have we blown up a situation in our minds to be bigger than it really was? I’m guilty of this of not dealing with it at the moment, and then when I finally talk about it with my coach therapist, I’m always like, oh… that wasn’t so bad after all.
- Instead of judging the moment, he needed to accept his situation and whatever came of it, focusing on what he could control.”
- “When you are hired for a job, take a moment to reflect on all the lost jobs and/or failed interviews that led to this victory. You can think of them as necessary challenges along the way. When we learn to stop segmenting experiences and periods of our life and instead see them as scenes and acts in a larger narrative, we gain perspective that helps us deal with fear.”
This part definitely resonated with me because I have been on so many interviews that I am ashamed to share publicly, but in a way, I’m grateful for all of those moments where I’ve bombed interviews because it’s helped me be a fantastic career coach where I have been able to help over 100 people get promoted or make career transitions. If I didn’t have all of those face palm interview fail moments that I can write a book about- I wouldn’t be so passionate about helping others through the mistakes I’ve personally made.
- “Whether you suppress them or run away from them, your fears and your problems remain with you—and they accumulate. We used to think it didn’t matter if we dumped our trash in landfills without regard for the environment. If we couldn’t see it or smell it, we figured it would somehow just take care of itself. Yet before regulation, landfills polluted water supplies, and even today they are one of the largest producers of human-generated methane gas in the United States. In the same way, burying our fears takes an unseen toll on our internal landscape.”
How many times have we swept an issue or problem underneath the rug, and then one day it comes out, or you burst into anger because of things that you probably should have taken care of a while ago?
- “I tied this to a discussion of how we are looking for instant fixes instead of doing the real work of growth.”
Any real transformation will take work- in the world of instant gratification we see only the result through social media and we often forget the iceberg amount of work that goes beyond all of these awards and accomplishments.
- “When you create the space, you’ll realize it fills with what you lack most of all: time for yourself.”
Being a recovering workaholic- you realize that until you put yourself first you will never truly have peace of mind. If your worth depends on how many awards you win at work or depending on your paycheck, the external validation is never really satisfying. You have to be perfectly fine with yourself, and that will grant your real happiness.
- “As Bryant told me on my podcast, On Purpose, having a routine is critical to his work. “A lot of the time, creativity comes from structure.”
Someone who has a negative relationship to structure, I noticed when I have a healthy routine or waking up early- especially during these last six months that has thrown many people’s routines off because we no longer have to commute into work. I found myself being able to write articles more often. I am structuring it in my early mornings because I care about helping others and practice my wisdom muscles.
- “But instead of being an embittered failure, he appeared joyous, confident, and at peace. In fact, he seemed happier than anyone I’d ever met. At the age of eighteen, I had encountered a lot of people who were rich. I’d listened to a lot of people who were famous, strong, good-looking, or all three. But I don’t think I’d met anyone who was truly happy. Afterward, I pushed my way through the crowds to tell him how amazing he was, and how much he’d inspired me.”
Davidson Hang is currently in Sales at Cheetah Digital which is a Marketing technology company located in NYC.
Davidson is an avid networker, personal growth- life and business coach.
He loves spreading the love and regularly helps people create and design the life they want for themselves.