These were some of my favorite passages from the book “The Communication Course” by Frederick Dodson

Saying “No” to a whole lot of things and “Yes” to the right things is the trademark of very successful people.

You can’t and shouldn’t try to control whether someone likes you or not. Love yourself and treat yourself kindly and then some will like you and some won’t. In either case, you will be easier to like, because you are happy.

You can’t and shouldn’t try to control whether someone likes you or not. Love yourself and treat yourself kindly and then some will like you and some won’t. In either case, you will be easier to like, because you are happy.

“I did everything for her and now she left me for another guy. How is that possible?” another one asked. Well, you’re doing everything for her probably has suffocated her, so she then left. She chose freedom over the butler. People don’t want everything done for them, they want to develop on their own.

Everyone has some of this “appeasing others” to some extent. Why? Because it was needed in childhood. “What must I do so that mommy and daddy like me?” was an important question back then. And we transfer that into adulthood by asking “What must I say and do so that people would like me?”

The false conclusion being “If I do not set boundaries, people will like me”. The opposite is true. When you say “No” or set boundaries you are helping people co-create reality with you because they learn the parameters and game rules within which a certain reality is experienced. Not doing so leaves people in a space of uncertainty, second-guessing, and confusion.

If truth seems painful to you then it’s long overdue to take your life back and re-discover that truth is wonderfully refreshing.

Exercise: Say “no” to something you have been wanting to say “no” to for some time. Exercise: Tell the truth about something you have wanted to tell the truth about for some time, even if it’s not easy. Exercise: Say “yes” to something you have been wanting to say “yes” to for some time.

10 Factors that strengthen your Integrity 1. Shift from “what will I get?” to “what will I give?” 2. List your strengths and weaknesses and work to eradicate your weaknesses and train your strengths. 3. When you are saying “No” on the inside, do not say “Yes” on the outside. You can also say “No” gently. 4. Openly communicate the issues you see. Do not hide. Go where it hurts and change that to the positive. 5. Understand before wanting to be understood. 6. Interest in others makes you interesting. 7. Be more attentive with giving your word and your words in general. 8. Follow a vision higher than yourself. 9. Serve others without detriment to yourself. 10. Live from the context of your values and principles.

Do you sway with the winds of change or do you keep firm in your values and principles? Are you easily swayed by fear and desire? Can you stick to your goal even if people say you should give up? Psychological Uprightness is resilience.

To be spiritually upright means to “have spine”. When you “have spine” it means that you don’t cave in at the slightest temptation or interruption.

That’s why being of upright character is incredibly empowering.

“To be integrated” means to act as a part of the whole, in respect toward the society one lives in.

1. Silence A human has two ears and one mouth for a reason. This is nature telling you that the amount of listening should be double the amount of speaking. If you talk too much your word power is not conserved but dispersed. But then, when you finally do talk, your word will have much more weight. If you hold presentations, make several pauses throughout. It is in the empty spaces between talking that the attention of the audience is captured. The words then spoken have more impact than had you talked in one long never-ending ramble.

You can’t be lying and speaking untruth and then later in the day expect your Intentions to come true. Just to “make an impression” we sometimes promise things we have no real intention of keeping. It’s best not to promise too much if you are not sure about it. Of course “I would like to make it at 8 o’clock” does not sound as firm as “I´ll be there at 8″, but sometimes it’s the better choice of words.

The other day I heard someone use the word “Awesomeness”. I had never used that word before so I decided to apply it that day. Learning new words to use keeps your mind and speech fresh and light.

He or she waits for nothing and nobody because he/she is brimming with energy and joy in the here and now.

You wouldn’t walk away every time the going gets a little tough. But neither would you put up with years of trouble. Knowing that both paths have merit and advantages makes the decision less hard.

Do you know why that is? It’s because they are hungrier. But it’s also because, already having hit rock bottom, they are no longer afraid of it. When you lose everything, you have everything to gain. Are you afraid of losing your spouse? If that’s what you are afraid of….that’s what will happen! Fear tends to attract what it is afraid of. So either let go of your fear or allow it to happen. Once you authentically allow it to happen…you may find that it does not happen.

Anything and anyone you put your attention on for a while, you gradually resonate with. With familiarity, fear decreases.

You fear only what you are unfamiliar with or feel unable to handle. Hence the first meeting with anyone may be a little tense but with more time spent with the person, things begin to relax. The reason people like to take a glass of wine or beer with each other is in order to skip the process of gradually easing up. But similar can also be accomplished by deliberate relaxing.

The whole idea of stage fright is from the inner child that is seeking approval from the audience. So it is best not to have your attention on how you look or what others think but single-pointedly on the overall space you are in (the room) or on the audience or on your upcoming performance.

You are reacting to what you think others expect of you. The mix of your own expectations and the expectations you think they have creates tension.

slow down and become present. Become fully aware of what is happening right now.

Leave some silence between your words. Make eye contact before speaking. As you slow down the entire process of communication you regain control of the entire situation. Your communication becomes more thoughtful and listeners more attentive.

In other words, you are just not that important to others. They are mostly preoccupied with themselves, not with you. Believing that people are considering you and judging you all the time, will have you feel self-conscious. Understanding that people have a short memory-span as well, means they likely won’t remember little “mistakes” you make either.

The person is constantly comparing himself to others, as to whether he is “higher” or “lower”. When he encounters someone supposedly “lower” he is arrogant, with someone “higher” he is shy. When you are living from the heart, such silly considerations vanish.

When you feel comfortable with yourself, then you also feel comfortable with anyone else – the rich, poor, smart, good, bad, ugly, strong, silly, weak, pretty, crazy, small crowds, large crowds, women, men, children, old people, parents, bosses, employees, whoever. Unless someone has an extremely negative aura, it’s fairly easy to feel comfortable in almost any social setting when you stop projecting.

Examples for Acknowledgement: A nod A paraphrase “Yes” “OK” “Alright” “I see” “I received your message” “Thanks for your message”

I recommend you seek to understand before you wish to be understood.

coaching Communication Self Development