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The Courage to Be Disliked-The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness

These are some of my favorite passages by Ichiro Kishimi.

“The first step to change is knowing. YOUTH: So if I can understand just something about Adlerian psychology, can I become a person like Y? PHILOSOPHER: Why are you rushing for answers? You should arrive at answers on your own.”

“Not rely upon what you get from someone else. Answers from others are nothing more than stopgap measures; they’re of no value.”

“The important thing is not what one is born with but what use one makes of that equipment.” You want to be Y or someone else because you are utterly focused on what you were born with. Instead, you’ve got to focus on what you can make of your equipment.

“It’s basically impossible to not get hurt in your relations with other people. When you enter into interpersonal relationships, it is inevitable that to a greater or lesser extent you will get hurt, and you will hurt someone, too. Adler says, “To get rid of one’s problems, all one can do is live in the universe all alone.” But one can’t do such a thing.”

“All problems are interpersonal relationship problems.”

“Of course, we cannot do without interpersonal relationships. A human being’s existence, in its very essence, assumes the existence of other human beings. Living completely separate from others is, in principle, impossible.”

“But the issue is really what sort of meaning I attribute to that height, what sort of value I give it.”

“YOUTH: The feeling of inferiority is a kind of launch pad? PHILOSOPHER: That’s right. One tries to get rid of one’s feeling of inferiority and keep moving forward. One’s never satisfied with one’s present situation—even if it’s just a single step, one wants to make progress. One wants to be happier. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the state of this kind of feeling of inferiority. There are, however, people who lose the courage to take a single step forward, who cannot accept the fact that the situation can be changed by making realistic efforts.”

“A healthy feeling of inferiority is not something that comes from comparing oneself to others; it comes from one’s comparison with one’s ideal self.”

“It would certainly be possible to shift responsibility. But we choose our lifestyles ourselves. It’s clear where the responsibility lies.”

“For your own good” but for the parents’. And it is because the child senses this deception that he rebels.

 

 

 

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