Despite my Fear of Looking Bad- Thoughts on the Human Range of Emotions
According to a study published in Alan S. Cowen and Dacher Keltner Phd from Berkeley there are 27 human emotions. I will discuss 26 of them in processing my emotions to see if others feel the same way.
- Admiration-I have admiration for others taking action and when white allies are acknowledging their white privilege it makes me happy that we are moving in some sort of progress because I do think that acceptance is the start before any change happens. I tell people all of the time, if I see my friends getting bullied. I’ll say something and acknowledging that by doing nothing- I am actually sending a message that it’s acceptable that this racism exists.
- Adoration-I have adoration for my friends like Aaron and Melvin who have openly shared with their struggles with being black from being arrested/shot at/ or being pulled over by cops just because of their dreadlocks or the color of their skin. It breaks my heart when I see that even though we live in this great country, we have not made that much progress at all. Thank you for your vulnerabliliyt. I am releasing a podcast episode this week about Aaron’s authentic experience of what it’s like being black in this country. Stay tuned and would love your feedback on your takeaways from the conversation. It’s going to be raw and authentic unfiltered.
- Aesthetic Appreciation- Although I do appreciate the aesthetic appreciation of luxury goods. I know they are being targeted in some unpeaceful riots all over metropolitan areas. I have strong opinions about this, and you don’t have to agree, but at the end of the day, material items are not as valuable as human lives. If there are thousands of racist killings a year, then honestly even if it’s millions of dollars of merchandise. I would choose for us to make progress on changing the way we look at other races over the cost of what it is to fix these windows and the dollar value of luxury goods.
- Amusement– I used to laugh at the racist jokes aimed towards me as a way of dealing with it as a survival mechanism. It never feels good when you feel alone and that you are the only Asian in the room especially in sales. There has been so many meetings when met with decision-makers or even at a networking event where people talk about golf or their multiple homes in other states. I always felt like an imposter and it was hard for me to relate to simple topics like pop culture.
- Anxiety- Who isn’t feeling anxiety right now? Especially compounded with COVID-19, your job, and your livelihood of paying the bills. For those of you who are privileged enough where you do have a family with a place to stay outside of NYC. I am fortunate that I can even escape NYC to stay at my fiancee’s parent’s house. Not all of us have the luxury where we can escape to go somewhere else. I’m extremely blessed, but I would be lying if I didn’t acknowledge that I feel like I’ve betrayed my city by leaving it, but I do acknowlege that it’s probably the smart thing to do when became “dangerous” to stay in NYC.
- Awe– I am in awe of all of the peaceful protestors of all of colors, backgrounds, and experiences. When cops are marching with the protestors in some cities that gives us hope that change will eventually come even though it’s taken us this long to start the conversation for it be worldwide.
- Awkwardness- It’s never an easy conversation when you bring race up as an issue. People inherently don’t like change– Think of how many old school parents still think it’s okay to treat blacks like a second class citizen. Asian parents are some of the worst, and yes I get it there is trauma or their own racism that they have to deal with in the past but when you take a stand it’s never easy to try to help others see a different perspective.
- Boredom– I am fkin bored staying at home. Honestly, I hate it. I do feel bad that I should be doing more. With COVID-19 and large gatherings being potentially dangerous to because you have a higher probablity of contracting the virus, I realize that there are other ways to contribute as to whether its writing things like this or a podcast I’ve created about interviewing Garrett how to be a good Ally. Thank you, Garrett, for this resource and for bringing the conversation to light.
- Calmness- Meditation has been a great source to ground me. Thank you to the mindfulness community and the bountiful resources we have here at Linkedin. Even though it helps process whats going on right now I do still feel like its been harder to sleep because we are all are thinking of ways where we can contribute to progressing society and the world.
- Confusion– Feeling confused some days- you feel great and blessed to be privileged and some days there is a feeling of helplessness and confusation about where to even start.
- Craving– I am craving restaurants/bars/ and large gatherings. I am a social creature and even though this isolation has drasatically changed who I am. It’s helped me actually stand for something in believe in something more than just myself. It’s helped given me purpose in many of Employee Resource Group related endeavors that I’ve been involved with since I’ve joined Linkedin.
- Disgust– Absolute disgust that police officers have gotten away with as much as they have so far. I get it that not all police officers are bad and not all white people are evil but every time I read something about another police officer getting away clean from these deaths. I have that much disgust in my stomach that this is happening still in 2020.
- Empathetic pain- A blessing and curse. I am an empath, and it’s really hard for me to separate my pain from others. Sometimes it paralyzing, sometimes it really helps me get a good cry in where I can process these emotions. My beautiful fiancee is another empath where when she sees someone in a TV show or movie gets hurt she says oww,my tail bone hurts. That’s why I love her so much because of her big gigantic heart in feeling the emotions that people do in videos and movies.
- Entrancement– There have been moments of entrancement where I’ve created the space example in my men’s group to be vulnerable and for us to share how we feel about the current situation or even when my team at Linkedin created the space for us where we can have this potentially uncomfortable conversation. That makes me extremely happy that I can work for a company where this is a valid topic of conversation. I know not everyone has that privilege.
- Envy– I used to be so envious of white American males. The opportunity they get to move up in management or being lucky enough to be born into wealth. That used to consume me, (the hatred, the anger of social injustice) but now I see that with any power comes the necessity of being a leader and that pressure is not easy. Having responsibility is not always easy, but it’s needed right now.
- Excitement– I am excited that I am optimistic and see that there is change starting to happen. I know it’s not going to be easy, but with every tragedy comes an opportunity. Speaking for myself, through the biggest challenges in my life I am been much more involved with non-profits, and social impact work. If I did not experience my father’s leaving us as a child, racism against Asians, and a ton of other adversity I do not think I would be as passionate as I am about these types of conversations.
- Fear– Of course, there is fear in regards to my professional brand. It is going to affect my future career choices. Knowing that many executives and decision-makers are white. I know that not everyone is ready to have this conversation, but I am firm in who I am and standing for social equality.
- Horror– The horror as I watched George Floyd and many other videos over the past few years. I ask myself, that could be my close friends who are black. Actually sitting with that and being with that thought scares me.
- Interest- I am interested in change and how companies like Linkedin are starting this conversation. We know action is more important, but for many, starting to take interest is one way forward. This can look like educating yourself through a bunch of different media channels so that it’s not completely biased.
- Joy– There’s so much joy when I see us come together and start to view others not as strangers but as one species as a human.
- Nostalgia– I miss the simplest days where I could have walked around the halls of work ignorant to what’s going on around me. In a way, humans are great at avoiding the problem. Many of us naturally love avoiding conflict, life is much easier that way. I’ve lived most of my life avoiding conflicting by running away or not having to deal with this. It’s that easy to unfollow someone on social media if they do not agree with your perspective.
- Romance– I am in love with reading Trevor Noah, Kevin Hart, and other influential black people’s biographies and when leaders have influence and speak up vulnerable about their experiences growing up- what it’s like being black with systematic racism. Their vulnerability is so relatable. That is what standing for something looks like.
- Sadness- Extreme sadness that it’s 2020 and jails are basically a version of slavery. From watching the 13th documentary, I find it hard to even watch the whole thing on Netflix in one sitting without being sick to my stomach.
- Satisfaction- I will be satisfied when I start to see real change instead of speaking about change.
- Sympathy- I have sympathy for others who are not taking action because of their fear of looking bad. I was one who cared about that too at one point and still do from time to time. But like I have said being doing nothing, you are sending a message as well.
- Triumph– We will triumph through this like we always do because humans are capable of beautiful things when we come together. I know not everyone shares this optimism but I do.
I hope you enjoyed this full range of human emotions post and would love to hear your thoughts on what’s going on right now as well.
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Davidson Hang is currently in Sales at Cheetah Digital which is a Marketing technology company located in NYC.
Davidson is an avid networker, personal growth- life and business coach.
He loves spreading the love and regularly helps people create and design the life they want for themselves.
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